You Are A Gift.

You Are A Gift

In late 2009, I had this youthful idea to start a movement called youarethegift. Naturally, I expected it to be a big hit and for everyone to just seamlessly get on board. As such, I launched this project around Christmas. The intention was to inspire people to see themselves—as opposed to stuff—as the gift most worth giving.

Suffice it to say, it did not take off in the way that I had hoped it would. It didn’t really take off at all, in fact. Looking back at the somewhat naive 23 year old I was at the time, this actually makes a lot of sense. As well-intentioned a project as it was, I clearly did not have have the real world experience to validate and to substantiate such a concept.

Honestly, today I kind of view the whole endeavor as overly hippie dippie. It was even a bit narcissistic. I was only 23, though. Cut me some slack.

And then, 2020 happened. Yah, there were some events in between, but I think recent issues have put a lot of this in perspective. Without a doubt, we have seen the absolute need for, well, stuff. From hand sanitizer and PPE, to medicine, and, of course, food, there is no denying our shared need for certain things.

Throughout the last 18 months or so, though, we have heard quite a bit about an equally significant tale, that of loneliness, and of the literal danger of isolation. We don’t need to compare stats here; the bottom line is, we all need real material items—and we always will—and we also need connection.

If we can hone in on just this one lesson for now, I sincerely believe 2022 could be a year like no other. Both/And. It’s a phrase I hear more and more these days, and, I couldn’t be happier about. It’s a fairly straightforward concept. Both this And that can have value. They both can—and probably do—matter. It’s a way of thinking which serves more to integrate than to alienate. 

Implicit to its message, of course, is the need to embrace all. When you really dig into it, in fact, funny enough, it even allows you to sometimes embrace what we call an either/or attitude. Yes, sometimes, we need to go with either this or that. It always depends on the context. Generally, though, for our normal day-to-day existence, you can see the value in both one and the other…

Case in point, there is a need for both toilet paper and, well, eye contact. Let’s consider a few relatable examples. How about George Bailey. Yes, George Bailey of the obviously relevant classic Christmas tale It’s a Wonderful Life. First off, if you haven’t seen it, why the heck not? Regardless, maybe this is your lucky year. Second, this won’t be a spoiler; it’s a fairly well known plot.

There’s a very specific reason George’s story—and Mary’s, for that matter, and Zuzu’s, etc. etc.—is so heartbreakingly beautiful. Yes, George gets the money he needs. He’s not going to jail, to say the least, and that’s important. The money matters. Arguably, though, the reason I am tearing up even as I write this—and why I am wanting to play Auld Lang Syne right now—is because of how he gets the money. 

Connection. The quality of George’s RELATIONSHIPS. This is why George succeeds in the end. Without even knowing it, he literally spent his entire life showing everyone around him that they mattered. That’s it. That’s why, in the end, he became the richest man in town, and why his life was wonderful.

Even more importantly, though, is the fact that everyone in Bedford Falls felt the effect. The entire community was nourished by this feedback of presence.

How about two additional real life examples? Bill Murray and Conan O’Brien. In a recent podcast, Lisa Kudrow said that the lesser known secret to O’Brien’s success is the work he puts into maintaining and strengthening his relationships. He cares. A lot. Even more poignant, though, is the reality that Murray may literally show up anywhere, anytime, unannounced, simply because he needs to connect. Yes, anywhere, like in your kitchen, washing your dishes, during your frat party. He may just appear, because, for him, it helps him feel connected.

Yes, let’s not ignore the relationship between talent and success for these two men, but let’s also not gloss over the obvious: no amount of success frees you from your basic human need for genuine—and ideally loving—interaction. 

Heck, we can even begrudgingly tease out this essential theme from Squid Game, if we must…

On that note, yes, poverty is real. Money is important. Starvation is dangerous, and unfortunately, food insecurity is not likely to go away anytime soon. Both this hard fact and the reality that loneliness kills are true.

This year, I propose we take the so called spirit of giving and extend it as long as we can. There’s no reason for it not to be the new norm, quite frankly. In a recent interview, in fact, I was asked about charity. “Why”, the host wondered, “do we feel so good when we give?” If you need a reason, I’d like you to try to boil it down to this one simple fact: everything is connected. When you give, for real, you get. It’s not magic, it’s just how it works. The trick is, quite simply, to make it real…

As we begin anew, consider making it your norm to see connections. Wave. Smile. Even honk your horn. Bug your neighbor, for crying out loud. They’ll eventually appreciate it. Probably. Whatever the case, whether you’re regifting toilet paper or lysol wipes from your private stash, or you are going the route of just being more present with everyone in your life, really give. Mean it. The stuff is a gift. Time is a gift. And, why not… you are a gift…

1 It’s a Wonderful Life, Frank Capra, 1946

2 Marc Maron, “WTF.” Lisa Kudrow. April 12, 2021

3 The Bill Murray Stories: Life Lessons Learned from a Mythical Man. Tommy Avallone. 2018