Ask.
February 16, 2022
There seem to be 4 main ways we communicate (or attempt to) with each other.
The 1st and 2nd are pretty straightforward. One person/party wants to simply express what they need to express. Maybe they’re heard, maybe not. Most likely, unless there’s a predetermined agreement that one party is meant to just listen, they won’t be heard.
The 3rd option is that nobody wants to express anything. This can actually be pretty fun if the awkwardness doesn’t kill the moment.
The 4th option, though, is the juiciest, and, of course, it seems to be the trickiest. This is when everyone genuinely wants to explore and to discover something new.
This is the good stuff! This is where it becomes like a dance. An adventure. Something is made…
This is arguably language at its best. Words are tools, after all, and how you use a tool makes all the difference.
Is this easy to do, though? Apparently not. I’m laughing as I write that, because it seems easy on a conceptual level, but it’s obviously really freakin’ hard in practice.
Why? Well there may be a few reasons, but the most relevant one is probably because we are prone to jumping to conclusions. We are prone to not only operate with certain biases and prejudices and presuppositions, but to not even notice them as well.
We’ve all likely heard of the 4 agreements. One of them is to not make assumptions. In practice, what does this really mean? Well, the answer is in the question: Do not assume you know the meaning. There is only one way to really find out for sure: you have to ASK.
If we want to get better at dancing with each other, truly conversing, we need to ask more questions. Even when we think we know the meaning, more questions are needed, because most likely there is another layer. And it’s worth seeing it.
One of the main lessons I took from 2021 is, “Just because you may think it goes without saying does not mean you shouldn’t say it.” Likewise, just because you think you know the answer, in any context, does not mean you shouldn’t ask the question, and then ask a new question, and then ask for more…
